ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
