I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
