the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
