I must be too annoying 4 u.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
two words...techno handjob
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
