as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
