Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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