you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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