how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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