Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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