You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize