the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize