Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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