The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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