I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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