some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
