honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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