i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
