Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
