we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
