Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize