Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
