I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
