I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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