Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
