:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
