it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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