What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
