There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
