I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize