This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
