I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
