Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize