now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize