You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
