I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
