Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize