'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
