just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
