Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize