Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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