He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
