she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
