She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
we're so committed to being not committed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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