sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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