I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
