obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
