Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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