Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
