Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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