I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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