Got a toothbrush?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
