just tell him i said nine months
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize