the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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