I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no you cant smoke seaweed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
