her vagine was all disorganized.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
