he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
