i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
