im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
