Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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