I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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