Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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