Yo dont text me then not text me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize