It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
