nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
