I wannas sexs uuuuu
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
