he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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