Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
