Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
