i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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