Porn is love you can see.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
