yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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