if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
