Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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