On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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