OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Randomize
