I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
