if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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