i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
