well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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