I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
