Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
