did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
