was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
