so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
