a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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