I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
