So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
