I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize