I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
