woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
