Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
