There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Vodka?
Forever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
