Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
zippers are such a cool invention
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize