if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
