i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
