I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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