Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
