I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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