i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize