ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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