Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Randomize
