i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
