Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
