Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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