perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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