I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
