Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
